I recently put a week behind me doing something that I have not done in either a very long time or ever. What is this magical thing you say? A marathon. No silly, not one that requires running shoes and physical fitness. A dating marathon. I went on three dates on three consecutive nights. And came to a few unexpected insights.
Like a marathon:
A. This activity, my friend, takes stamina.
B. I became tired in the middle section (date2) but caught a second wind towards the end!
C. Sometimes you brush up against someone who stinks.
D. You feel proud of yourself when you are done.
Unlike a marathon:
If you are not careful, when you cross the finish line, you will NOT be thinner, in better shape, or cute. You will be FAT. Why? Lots of drinks. Lots of eating out at restaurants.
Summary: It was an experience... and calories DO add up.
Verdict: I'll likely not make this a habit-being "on" so many days in a row is exhausting & I better get back to the gym. Le sigh. The gym. ;(
P.S. I'll tell you about the dates later
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Match: Date #1
So..... I had my first matchdotcom date. Let me preface this with what I'm going to call the "The Dating Chronicles" Givens, which is what I'm operating from at this point and time.
Givens:
I arrived early to the Buffet and waited for Michael. This I believe will continue to be an awkward experience because, in actuality, you don't really know who you're waiting for and if they will look more or less like the picture they posted. In this case, Michael looked better than his pictures. Good start. We were seated immediately and he was very gentlemanly. He talked about where he was from (Fiji!), his immigration to this country, what he does for a living, his ex-wife, and his experiences on match. He was quite a talker and did so for an hour. After talking for this extended period, like it was a sudden afterthought, he says, "Oh. I guess we should eat." I thought so too, since the restaurant was going to close in an hour. Sidenote: I found more Indian food that was good to me. Still won't be suggesting Indian, but I expanded my horizons.
Now, to me, first dates are not occassions to share your negative relationship history, talk extensively about your ex, complain about your job, or other such downers. Why? See Given #3. If the first date cannot be fun, then what's the point of continuing? Besides, I also think this is a good time for evaluating/assessing shared interests, shared values, attractiveness, and attraction. In any case, Michael seemed interesting enough and somewhat funny. What I could not figure out was the attractiveness piece. It's true, he was better looking than his profile pic, but something was off and I could not figure it out. What was it? What was it? As I assessed, and assessed, I pinpointed the area of concern: the mouth.
He was MISSING TWO FRONT TEETH!!! (one of the big ones and the side one next to it). Good grief. I am a little bit mad at matchdotcom. Why? There's no profile criteria to select: Must have all front teeth.
Summary: He seemed like a nice enough guy. I was not really feeling the attraction and the missing teeth totally squashed it. Shallow? Maybe so, but I'll trade a man with BMW and missing front teeth, for a man with a Toyota with ALL his front teeth anyday. Real talk.
Verdict: No match. I think if you are going to put yourself out there to date-decent teeth fall under basic. Well...... unless maybe you're 98 years old.
Givens:
- I'm trying to keep an open mind-you never know
- A date is a date is a date-meaning enjoy it for it's own value, not more, not less
- Have fun-who doesn't need fun?
I arrived early to the Buffet and waited for Michael. This I believe will continue to be an awkward experience because, in actuality, you don't really know who you're waiting for and if they will look more or less like the picture they posted. In this case, Michael looked better than his pictures. Good start. We were seated immediately and he was very gentlemanly. He talked about where he was from (Fiji!), his immigration to this country, what he does for a living, his ex-wife, and his experiences on match. He was quite a talker and did so for an hour. After talking for this extended period, like it was a sudden afterthought, he says, "Oh. I guess we should eat." I thought so too, since the restaurant was going to close in an hour. Sidenote: I found more Indian food that was good to me. Still won't be suggesting Indian, but I expanded my horizons.
Now, to me, first dates are not occassions to share your negative relationship history, talk extensively about your ex, complain about your job, or other such downers. Why? See Given #3. If the first date cannot be fun, then what's the point of continuing? Besides, I also think this is a good time for evaluating/assessing shared interests, shared values, attractiveness, and attraction. In any case, Michael seemed interesting enough and somewhat funny. What I could not figure out was the attractiveness piece. It's true, he was better looking than his profile pic, but something was off and I could not figure it out. What was it? What was it? As I assessed, and assessed, I pinpointed the area of concern: the mouth.
He was MISSING TWO FRONT TEETH!!! (one of the big ones and the side one next to it). Good grief. I am a little bit mad at matchdotcom. Why? There's no profile criteria to select: Must have all front teeth.
Summary: He seemed like a nice enough guy. I was not really feeling the attraction and the missing teeth totally squashed it. Shallow? Maybe so, but I'll trade a man with BMW and missing front teeth, for a man with a Toyota with ALL his front teeth anyday. Real talk.
Verdict: No match. I think if you are going to put yourself out there to date-decent teeth fall under basic. Well...... unless maybe you're 98 years old.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
MatchDotCom
Let successful couples who met online tell it, EVERYONE, can meet someone online and be successful at it. Give it a try. Look at us. There's someone for everyone blah blah blah blah, my eyes are glazing over. Nonetheless, I do have friends or associates who have met online and have had really good long-term relationships or ones that have led to marriage. Despite these reviews and testimonies, I still hesitated to become part of this online community as it were. However, recently, I was once again encourged to try this, Match, specifically and so I am. I have a one month subscription. Is one month enough time to really meet someone? I don't know. What I do know is that I still feel, what's the word..... obscene. Obscene for having to pay to be introduced to someone. But you only live once, so we'll see how it goes.
To begin with, you have to set up a profile before you actually begin the matching process. This took me FOREVER. I just don't know what to say to a man I do not know and have not met. Should I try to be witty? Will it sound like I'm bragging? Should I disclose every thing they are asking? Should I talk about the kids? Work? Should I have a definite goal-i.e., I'd like to be married in the next two years? Too much pressure people too much! Next, the picture. Match highly encourages you to upload one and I agree. A picture IS worth a thousand words. And occasionally, a thousand audible gasps if you stumble upon the wrong one. Then there are all of these options you can do. You can "wink" for free. You can send an email. You can filter your email. There's the matchcall. Then you can "favorite" someone and they can "favorite" you. You can see how many times your profile was viewed and who viewed it (which can be very demoralizing if, let's say, your profile was viewed 175 times and you have received three emails or "winks"). I'm just saying.
In any case, it's in progress and I'll keep you posted. The positive: I'm keeping an open mind. The negative: Some lady "winked" at me. No thanks sistah. No thanks.
To begin with, you have to set up a profile before you actually begin the matching process. This took me FOREVER. I just don't know what to say to a man I do not know and have not met. Should I try to be witty? Will it sound like I'm bragging? Should I disclose every thing they are asking? Should I talk about the kids? Work? Should I have a definite goal-i.e., I'd like to be married in the next two years? Too much pressure people too much! Next, the picture. Match highly encourages you to upload one and I agree. A picture IS worth a thousand words. And occasionally, a thousand audible gasps if you stumble upon the wrong one. Then there are all of these options you can do. You can "wink" for free. You can send an email. You can filter your email. There's the matchcall. Then you can "favorite" someone and they can "favorite" you. You can see how many times your profile was viewed and who viewed it (which can be very demoralizing if, let's say, your profile was viewed 175 times and you have received three emails or "winks"). I'm just saying.
In any case, it's in progress and I'll keep you posted. The positive: I'm keeping an open mind. The negative: Some lady "winked" at me. No thanks sistah. No thanks.
Friday, August 19, 2011
But He's Really Cute
When you're single and not dating and you go on a vacation in the Caribbean, especially in Jamaica, sometimes things happen. Sometimes things get ahead of you. Like for instance, you have a moment (that lasts the whole six days of the vaca), where you literally lose your mind. You are intoxicated. Yes, because you are away from work, home, and the general idea of being on holiday. Yes, by the rum punch, pina coladas, and hummingbirds. Yes, by the sound of waves, the sand, the sun, the resort experience. But that's not it. What really causes this under the influence behavior are the men. They are everywhere. They are full of compliments, long stares, and encouraging. They suggest you "FULLJOY" your stay on the island, yeah mon! Another thing about being on vacation is that every moment is at once sped up and slowed down. For instance, the pace is slower, you have no particular place to go, you're chillin'. Alternately, should you meet a man there, time speeds up because well, you ONLY have six days. So what, you ask, does this have to do with dating and Daceia? Read on.
In July this year I went to Jamaica. I'd been before so I sort of knew what to expect, nevertheless, the intoxication hit me. After having been there for a couple of days, I met a really cute, extremely handsome man from the Dominican Republic. Yummy. He introduced himself and we'll call him, um, Wyatt. I know, not a very Spanish name. Well, neither was his. He had Latin swag, worked as a contractor, on assignment in Jamaica for six months. Wyatt loved to sing and dance and did so often as we walked and talked. Wyatt was HOT. Now it's true, he spoke little English. No problem, mon, this is Jamaica. Besides, I speak a fair to good amount of Spanish. So we managed-he had a daughter back home, traveled a lot for work, and really, did not like Jamaica-"all they play is Reggae. No Salsa. No Merengue. Me no likey Jamaaaica". So we hung out. Thank you Jamaica!
Let's fast forward to a moment in dating that really can set the tone, good or bad, brief or long, about the relationship. The first kiss.
After hanging out one day, Wyatt goes for the first kiss. It starts off well-slow and tender. Then, in an instant, in a millisecond, it's OVER. No, not over as in finished, over as in the good part is over. He starts licking my face. ALL over my face. Stop laughing. I'm serious. Like a dog would lick your face. I'm stunned and confused and my mind can't comprehend what's occurring. I'm thinking, did he just lick my face?! No, nuh uh. But yes, it did occur. Who does that? Oh, Wyatt Wyatt Wyatt! "No me gusta! NO me gusta!!" Understanding crossed his face but not belief as he continued. Then licked my nostrils. Then my shoulder. Ummm, I gotta go. "You leaving? Why you leaving?". He stops licking me. Then resorts to what I can only call Operation Keep Her Here, Section B, of the Men's Manual. He takes off my sandals and begins a foot massage. Well, I still want to go... but hey, it's a foot massage, Section B is working. For now. Unfortunately, if you have ever ever been in this situation, you know that this diversionary tactic will not limit itself to the task at hand. There is an agenda. The foot massage swiftly becomes an opportunity, an "invitation" if you will, to Suck. My. Toes!! My mind is yelling at me now, saying things like "Hey, I've been in flip flops ALL day! HEY!, good grief buddy!"
Summary: That's it. The gig is up for Wyatt. I leave and go to my room, dumbfounded and in disbelief. I immediately wash my face. Immediately. No me gusta. No me gusta.
Verdict: No match. Not even for a summer fling. Charge? Indiscriminate and unsolicited licking. Very disappointing. I actually really liked him. Perhaps with a little coaching, this licking habit could be redirected.... But that's a tale for another type of blog :)
In July this year I went to Jamaica. I'd been before so I sort of knew what to expect, nevertheless, the intoxication hit me. After having been there for a couple of days, I met a really cute, extremely handsome man from the Dominican Republic. Yummy. He introduced himself and we'll call him, um, Wyatt. I know, not a very Spanish name. Well, neither was his. He had Latin swag, worked as a contractor, on assignment in Jamaica for six months. Wyatt loved to sing and dance and did so often as we walked and talked. Wyatt was HOT. Now it's true, he spoke little English. No problem, mon, this is Jamaica. Besides, I speak a fair to good amount of Spanish. So we managed-he had a daughter back home, traveled a lot for work, and really, did not like Jamaica-"all they play is Reggae. No Salsa. No Merengue. Me no likey Jamaaaica". So we hung out. Thank you Jamaica!
Let's fast forward to a moment in dating that really can set the tone, good or bad, brief or long, about the relationship. The first kiss.
After hanging out one day, Wyatt goes for the first kiss. It starts off well-slow and tender. Then, in an instant, in a millisecond, it's OVER. No, not over as in finished, over as in the good part is over. He starts licking my face. ALL over my face. Stop laughing. I'm serious. Like a dog would lick your face. I'm stunned and confused and my mind can't comprehend what's occurring. I'm thinking, did he just lick my face?! No, nuh uh. But yes, it did occur. Who does that? Oh, Wyatt Wyatt Wyatt! "No me gusta! NO me gusta!!" Understanding crossed his face but not belief as he continued. Then licked my nostrils. Then my shoulder. Ummm, I gotta go. "You leaving? Why you leaving?". He stops licking me. Then resorts to what I can only call Operation Keep Her Here, Section B, of the Men's Manual. He takes off my sandals and begins a foot massage. Well, I still want to go... but hey, it's a foot massage, Section B is working. For now. Unfortunately, if you have ever ever been in this situation, you know that this diversionary tactic will not limit itself to the task at hand. There is an agenda. The foot massage swiftly becomes an opportunity, an "invitation" if you will, to Suck. My. Toes!! My mind is yelling at me now, saying things like "Hey, I've been in flip flops ALL day! HEY!, good grief buddy!"
Summary: That's it. The gig is up for Wyatt. I leave and go to my room, dumbfounded and in disbelief. I immediately wash my face. Immediately. No me gusta. No me gusta.
Verdict: No match. Not even for a summer fling. Charge? Indiscriminate and unsolicited licking. Very disappointing. I actually really liked him. Perhaps with a little coaching, this licking habit could be redirected.... But that's a tale for another type of blog :)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
The Blind Date
A friend of mine met a guy she thought was funny. And a catch. But not for her, for me. Hmmm..... She did the run down-he works (2 jobs), owns his own home, has a daughter in another state, and he's good looking but not her type. Perhaps he's mine? Though I'm not quite sure I have a type or that we've discussed what that may be. Nevertheless, I reluctantly agree to talk to him and at least meet him. Uh oh, what did I just do? That's right, commit to a blind date.
So Julian* and I spoke on the phone a couple of times before going out to dinner. These conversations were okay; though a couple of my pet peeves were irritated in the course of these talks. For example, if we have not actually met in person or only recently met, I am not your "sweetie", your "honey", or your "babe". No, really, I'm not. Besides, it makes me think you can't be bothered to remember my name. Pet peeve number two; making multiple references to your religion, spirituality, etc. I mean, what do I say? Such a possibly inflammatory and sensitive subject without the benefit of a face-to-face? Nuh uh.
Fast forward to date night. I arrive a few minutes early and wait inside. He shows a couple of minutes later. Daceia? Yes. Julian? Yes. True to my friend's description of him, he does seem like the pretty boy type-curly hair, diamond earrings, very put together. A thought immediately crosses my mind; is he gay? I quickly dismiss the thought and we talk. Actually, he talks. A lot. About his mother. For 15 minutes straight; he loves her, he talks to her daily, five or six times per day, they have a close relationship, previous girlfriends couldn't handle it... We have not yet been seated.
To be honest, it wasn't all bad. He told some funny stories about his online dating experiences, talked where he was from, how he came to live in California, and about his daughter. All good things really. I shared some similar information, a funny story or two, plans for the upcoming month. Then he told another story. One which really cemented in my mind that we would not be seeing each other again. He revealed how when he first moved here he did not have a job and so he sold Mary Kay door-to-door for a year! Yes, the make-up. Yes, where you can win the pink car. Yes, I laughed and laughed and ok, started to choke from laughing.
So Julian* and I spoke on the phone a couple of times before going out to dinner. These conversations were okay; though a couple of my pet peeves were irritated in the course of these talks. For example, if we have not actually met in person or only recently met, I am not your "sweetie", your "honey", or your "babe". No, really, I'm not. Besides, it makes me think you can't be bothered to remember my name. Pet peeve number two; making multiple references to your religion, spirituality, etc. I mean, what do I say? Such a possibly inflammatory and sensitive subject without the benefit of a face-to-face? Nuh uh.
Fast forward to date night. I arrive a few minutes early and wait inside. He shows a couple of minutes later. Daceia? Yes. Julian? Yes. True to my friend's description of him, he does seem like the pretty boy type-curly hair, diamond earrings, very put together. A thought immediately crosses my mind; is he gay? I quickly dismiss the thought and we talk. Actually, he talks. A lot. About his mother. For 15 minutes straight; he loves her, he talks to her daily, five or six times per day, they have a close relationship, previous girlfriends couldn't handle it... We have not yet been seated.
To be honest, it wasn't all bad. He told some funny stories about his online dating experiences, talked where he was from, how he came to live in California, and about his daughter. All good things really. I shared some similar information, a funny story or two, plans for the upcoming month. Then he told another story. One which really cemented in my mind that we would not be seeing each other again. He revealed how when he first moved here he did not have a job and so he sold Mary Kay door-to-door for a year! Yes, the make-up. Yes, where you can win the pink car. Yes, I laughed and laughed and ok, started to choke from laughing.
Single Stink
I am single. As in, I am not in a committed relationship, I am not in an open relationship, I have not been dating; seriously or otherwise, and generally speaking have not been overwhelmingly concerned, distraught, or interested in it. I am also the single mom of four. It also helps that I don't get a lot of flack about it. True, I would get an occasional, "So, you seeing anybody?" or "Is there a special man in your life?" To which I would promptly answer, "I'm too busy." or "I'm too tired." or "Ha! What about you?"
But now after years of working, going to school, and single parenthood child rearing; my children are growing up, I am basically done with school, and I have a less demanding job. So what do I find? I have chunks of free time. The usual suspects I hang out with when I do have free time are now either seriously coupled or seriously busy so while it's cool to do things by myself, sometimes I would like to go somewhere or do something with someone. Also, I am apparently giving off a single vibe that must be conquered, subdued, and ultimately coupled. Friends have been asking about my dating life, encouraging online dating, and strangers (men to be precise) make interesting, if not odd comments that most assuredly are reserved for the those, like me, reeking of singleness. A smell clearly offensive to couples who know me and a well-meaning father who wants a good man to "take care of me".
So, for a multitude of reasons and to relieve a fair amount of boredom.... here it begins.
Dating Daceia
But now after years of working, going to school, and single parenthood child rearing; my children are growing up, I am basically done with school, and I have a less demanding job. So what do I find? I have chunks of free time. The usual suspects I hang out with when I do have free time are now either seriously coupled or seriously busy so while it's cool to do things by myself, sometimes I would like to go somewhere or do something with someone. Also, I am apparently giving off a single vibe that must be conquered, subdued, and ultimately coupled. Friends have been asking about my dating life, encouraging online dating, and strangers (men to be precise) make interesting, if not odd comments that most assuredly are reserved for the those, like me, reeking of singleness. A smell clearly offensive to couples who know me and a well-meaning father who wants a good man to "take care of me".
So, for a multitude of reasons and to relieve a fair amount of boredom.... here it begins.
Dating Daceia
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